What the hell is our Leaders doing????

Another day, another blast, many more lives lost, another day of constant bickering on TV, another day for indignation and hopelessness. Where exactly are we going wrong in our war against terror?

For starters, I'd like it if we didn't have to hear the platitudes that our politicos insist on mouthing ad nauseum, thank you very much. Here's what we hear every time a bomb rips apart a place, a family, a city - and here's what I'd like to hear instead.

What we hear #1: We strongly condemn the attacks.

Substitute with: We're tired of condemning attacks; if we don't come back to you with the justice that you, as citizens of this country, deserve after trusting us to protect you, we'll add another amendment to our constitution that makes it legally possible for you to remove the expensive security that we're granted with your hard-earned money every time we use the word 'condemn' after an attack.

What we hear #2: It is a cowardly act.

Substitute with: How do we know it's a cowardly attack? Because it takes one to know one.

What we hear #3: We will not succumb to terrorism.

Substitute with: We will make good on our promises and strengthen preemptive measures that will allow us to stop terror in its tracks and not subject you to the same old rinse-repeat routine you've been hearing from us for we don't know how long.

What we hear #4: This was a planned attack.

Substitute with: Instead of exchanging flirtatious couplets in a parliament session with opposition parties, we will actually plan and debate on what steps we need to take to strengthen security.

What we hear #5: We'd warned the (affected) state government of possible terror attacks.

Substitute with: We'll not try to wash our hands off what is essentially our collective responsibility and add insult to your injury. We'll consider such meaningless utterances a punishable crime henceforth.

What we hear #6: The government pledges X lakhs of rupees for bereaved families.

Substitute with: We will stop this cowardly act of putting a price on innocent lives lost for no fault of theirs. Instead, we'll establish a welfare fund for families affected by terror attacks that will be transparent and will support the families for as long as they need.

What we hear #7: There are no leads yet.

Substitute with: You know someone will 'claim' responsibility, right? We'll tell you when they do.

What we hear #8: We can't fight terror alone.

Substitute with: We can't fight terror. Period. Let's make way for those who can.

(Addendum - Comment by Jayakrishna - thanks!) 

What we hear # 9: The perpetrators will be brought to book.

Substitute with: The perpetrators will be caught and will be accorded capital punishment. We will expedite capital punishment to convicted terrorists as a deterrent and to demonstrate zero tolerance to threats to National Security.

Any more you can think of?